Teaching Them To Dare

One had on a pink shirt; the other a light blue tank top. they're in their twenties. i don't know their names and never saw their faces. If they were sitting in front of me right now, I wouldn't know it was them. All the same, these faceless, nameless young ladies infuriated me and consumed my thoughts for most of the last few days.

This was in Utah. We were hiking in an area with huge mountains made of slabs of boulder fifteen stories high. There were clearly marked trails and even more clearly marked signs forbidding you to leave the trail. And there they were, the two of them, ten stories high, off a trail, on the side of a boulder, scaling a steep cliff to take photographs of each other.

What am I supposed to do in this situation? They are young and just having fun. Taking a risk to do something cool that they'll probably get some amazing pictures out of. But as I stand there with my kids, I feel overwhelmed, and mad. Maybe it struck something maternal; maybe something self-righteous. A strong urge in me wanted them to get in trouble. I wanted to call their parents. I wanted someone to slap them and say, "Stupid fools! You may have witnessed the death of one another and regretted this day for the rest of your life!"

There is a fine line, I believe, between being young and free AND being young and foolish. I think that free is that feeling that the world belongs to you. That endless options stand before you. That life is a forest full of trees with luscious fruit and freedom allows you to stroll through that forest and pick the fruits that make your dreams come true. I like free. I believe in freedom.

Foolish, as I see it, is that feeling that you know the world is yours. You are invincible and nothing can harm you in the world. That no matter what you do, you'll be here tomorrow, in the exact way you always were: young, beautiful , and ready to risk it all for what you think you can do.

The invincibility of foolishness is part of youth. I guess it has to be. Otherwise, we wouldn't ever learn that we made a mistake. Like when Kobi and I raced with our ice cream trucks and took a sharp turn on two wheels. Surely, an angel placed her wings over us during that stupid choice.

How do we teach our kids to enjoy their youth and do crazy things without irresponsibly teaching them that they are invincible? How do we instill the fearlessness that will allow them to dare; while teaching them the caution that may just keep them from making a fatal error?

1 Teach Them To Make Wise Choices

I remember when my son was three, he was tinkering with Kobi's mountain bike. A friend of mine had come over; and together, we watched him spin the spokes and click the hand brakes. When he tried to stand on the pedals, the bike began to dangerously teeter. I let him know that the bike could fall on him, and that he could chose what he wanted to do. He stood there for a second, thought his options over, and walked away. My friend was shocked.

Had to yelled at him to 'watch out!' or forced him away from the bike, I would have robbed him of the opportunity to develop his own risk-taking analysis skills. Unless your child's life is at risk, casually explain the risks involved and walk away. Leave your child alone to learn how to exercise proper judgment.

2 Teach Them Through The Stories Of Others

We had a distant family friend whose son went riding on a four by four in highly rugged terrain. He rode extremely fast, without a helmet, without a valid license, and on a vehicle without insurance. Today, this young 28 year old is paralyzed for life and his family is living hand-to-mouth to somehow cover the enormous medical and rehabilitation costs. Shame. His choices didn't turn out so hot.

We use this story, and now the story of two young ladies on the boulder, to teach our children that life is delicate and holy. We spoke at length about the risks that the girls were taking and what might very well happen. We talked about how else they could enjoy their vacation, without risking their lives.

Our children will make choices in their lives that may alter their fates forever. It is our job to teach them that their life is their personal responsibility; that their duty to themselves is to weigh the risks before them.

3- Pray

I know I have a limited amount of time here on Earth; so do my children. I know that they, like me, will make some daring, stupid choices in their lives. They are supposed to. I pray to the Universe to keep them safe. I have a few personal stories in which I know, without a doubt, that some angel wrapped his wings around a member of my nomadic family. I know it.

I always tell parents to use whatever your belief system entails: Jesus, the Universe, the Stars, Scientific Laws of Chance and Probability. Connect to that energy source, and ask (with great fervor) for that system to protect what is most precious to you.

The world can be a scary place. In order to ensure that our children tread joyfully, yet cautiously; let's give them all the tools we can to empower them to choose wisely.

PS: for anyone wondering, we shot a few pictures and let a park employee know about the ladies. He said he'd notify a ranger and that they would take care of it. I hoped that once I took action, my unsettled heart would calm down. It did not. I do hope the girls got down safely, and more so, I hope someone slapped them really hard to keep them safe in the future.

Posted in: Nomadic Parenting