Kids Need Socialization

That’s right. And it’s one of the things I have felt guilty about, until tonight. I felt guilty because a- I guess parents always have to feel guilty about something and b- though I’m taking my kids on an open-ended world adventure, I feel I am taking them away from their social network of school friends and cousins. So, this nomadic way of life if great, but they miss having friends.

We arrive somewhere, volunteer and hang out for two months, and then, walla! they have friends again. Until… we move on to the next place. A few nights before we left our ranch at La Lucha de la Tigra in Costa Rica, my son Orazi ate nothing at dinner. [Sure-tell sign of trouble] “What’s up Orazi”? The boy breaks down about how much he hates it that by the time he makes friends, and falls in love with them, and he has leave them. “And I’ll probably never see Ever [his new best friend] again in my entire life”. Needless to say, I bawled as Kobi wiped a few tears away. What are we doing to our children?

Yes, they do have each other. That always was a big thing for us. We’ve always felt that if they were close to each other; that that precious, long-lasting bond could accompany them for life. We brought our three beautiful blessings into the world intentionally in 2002, 2003, and 2004.. We homeschooled for two and a half years; we founded a multi-age community school which all three could attend together; and now, we’ve created a default situation in which their best friends out of necessity are each other. So, yes, they do have each other, and it has been magical.

But what about long-term friendships? What about building those relationships with peers that include acting goofy, discovering the world together, and sharing mutual experiences that build on themselves? 

Earlier this week, we moved into our newest home in Alta Boquete in Northern Panama. It’s a tiny adorable cabin with a huge porch, our newest home as we backpack with our young kids.  Driving out of the neighborhood, we were talking among ourselves, wondering if the water was drinkable. We saw a neighbor out in his yard, and stopped to asked him. Turns out the Universe smiles at us yet again, in lovely creative ways. This is how we met Alberto from the Netherlands and his Panamanian wife and were invited to the best party we’ve been to in a long, long time. (text continues after pics...)

We arrive to a potluck fiesta that night filled with delicious steak, barbecue chicken, chorizos, salads, homemade cakes, and more alcohol than the crowd knew what to do with. Music filled the neighborhood; everyone was laughing, drinking, dancing, and talking around little tables that kept being replenished with more fine treats. Our companions for the night were a lively, eclectic crowd of English-speaking expats; young, beautiful Panamanian women; their Panamanian family members; and a whole bunch of younger Americans who simply found another way of life here in the topical worlds of Central America.   There were two young American couples who were sailors living off secluded islands off the Pacific Coast of Panama. It was Ian, the young man with an expectant wife, who converted my guilt about socialization to pride and peace of mind. 

To make a long story short; Ian shared of his adventures as a boy living in Africa, backpacking with his parents through Guatemala, and later again backpacking in South America. He spoke of how his early family exhibitions really molded him as a person. His travels made him a citizen of the world exposed to faces so different from his own. We laughed about how people always say that my kids are missing all those things they should be learning in the classroom, and how the world was a richer classroom than any textbook fact or multiplication tables they may be missing. And then he said something that surprised me. “Life on the road was the absolute best thing for my socialization.”

“Yeah, that’s the hard part. They miss having their friends. They need more socialization,” I reply.

I clearly didn’t get it. Ian goes on, “For me, as a child, my family’s world travels had the greatest impact on my socialization skills for life. It taught me much more about myself and about how to connect to other people more than if I had been all those years learning socialization by being limited to only the peers in my classroom and the social influences of peer pressure and television. I learned how to make friends with people so different than me in a really short period of time. That kind of adaptation has served me for life.”

 My kids have learned on this world voyage to make friends with kids without even understanding a spoken word between them. My children have walked into classrooms in the rural schools in which neither they nor the teacher or children could communicate, and they walked in day after day, each day conquering another word, and forging friendships by use of smiles and pantomime. My kids’ social repertoire has including making friends, bonding quickly, and enjoying new adventures with new faces. Their souls have grown deeper as they’ve learned to say goodbye. And one day, perhaps, they will return to these places for visit whole communities of strangers turned friends. 

I watch my kids run and laugh hysterically as they are chased by a playful woman in her thirties who is tickling them and Ian who is trying to tie their legs together (and to the dog’s leash), without getting knocked over by my charging three musketeers. Yes, my children are getting a learning more profound, rich, colorful life lessons in socialization than I could have ever imagined. Ian, you may take a bow. For with your insights, I have kissed my socialization guilt goodbye.

Posted in: Nomadic Parenting