A Week Within

After the emotional and physical entrapments of last week, we took a week to go within. We barely spoke or saw anyone. We didn't go to the Tuesday night Gringo Party, didn’t go talk to the neighboring school about volunteering, didn’t go to the weekly Gingo morning market at Boquete Community Players, didn't follow up with the Boquete Rotary, we didn’t go online, didn’t go meet neighbors, didn’t follow up on classes and activities we wanted to pursue. We went inside, on a deep journey inside to cleanse and heal and balance our souls and our family relationships. 

After last week’s hell, we knew something had to change. We also knew that the only way things would dramatically improve would be for Kobi and I to talk. To talk, to yell, to blame each other for a few things, to feel sorry for ourselves, to let out all the built-up frustrations. After which (and only after which), we could let in the light, the leadership, the cooperation, the friendship, the vision-making, the plans that would keep us sane, fruitful, balanced, and joyful.

Kobi and I sat up late at nights and talked and talked and talked. What is the point of this trip anyway? Do we have the energy (or the desire) to reinvent ourselves each time anew?   Where do each of us feel there is an unjust division of labor? What things/behaviors/situations do we find intolerable in each other and with our children? What is really important to us? What do we want our days to look like? What are we not getting out of our days, that we want to?

We took the answers to these questions and were able, with light, to rebuild the foundations for this trip, our relationships, and our weekly schedule. No one is ill; the car is working; we’re not stuck in other people’s issues and dramas. We are free to navigate our total freedom towards meaningfulness. Here are the six things we came up that have miraculously have changed EVERYTHING this week.

1-      Adults to bed by midnight, latest.

When we are exhausted, we are neither kind nor productive parents. We wake up in a foul mood, and it starts the new day with old, limping energy. It is tempting to stay up well into the night to get work done, to talk, to bond, without our children. On most nights this past week by 11 we were in bed. It feels great to get a good night’s sleep.

2-      Kids to bed by 8:30.

We are no longer blessed with amazing guests or family who alter our daily schedules and entice us by the specialness of their presence to bend all the normative rules. Our kids to have a clear, understood time in which their evening ends, for them, and also, for us. When the kids are down by 8:30, that leaves mom and dad a full 3+ hours to be adults.

3-      Begin night-time routine at 6:30.

We expect a lot from our kids and intentionally give them a lot of responsibilities. That choice requires time. If we serve dinner at 6:30, that gives our children an hour and a half to eat dinner, to clear the table, wipe down the table and chairs, and sweep the floor; and wash all of the dishes. Also, in that same hour and a half they need to shower, brush their teeth, floss, and make their beds ready for sleep. If I enter the room around 8, with fully fed, cleansed, and ready to sleep children; that gives their mother 30-45 minutes to lovingly read them the next story of Greek Mythology, and to do a night-time meditation. Genius!

4-      Daily family exercise.

Physical fitness has always been a huge thing for us. We knew, that this time away from our normal demanding lives would be devoted to getting back in shape. It’s important for both of us, and is something we wanted to give to our kids. If they know, without a doubt, that every weekday, our family exercises; they’ll do it. Whenever Kobi and I are clear (inwardly, and then outwardly) about something, it goes smoothly.

This week, we have exercised every single morning. We walked/jogged on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday; we did stretches on Thursday; we did a looooooooong hike on Friday. The kids know we have Saturday and Sunday off (even though we may occasionally hike on the weekends), and that come Monday, we wake up in the morning to exercise. All week, very little complaining, a lot of taking initiative, some great talks while walking/jogging, and lovely displays of fitness leadership on the kids’ part. We are thrilled.

5-      Formal studies every day.

This one we have Kobi to thank for. He has always felt that the kids need more direction, more academic studies than I have. This week, I have seen the immense value of disciplined, repetitive, linear educational studies. We’ve focused on mathematics this week, and have witnessed, with about two hours of intensive study a day, how our children have grasped and excelled in numeric concepts that were totally foreign to them. On Thursday, when Kobi had to take care of car insurance and registration, we told them we would not learn have classes. (Are you ready for this?...) They begged. Not only have they for the most part enjoyed studying and have learned, but they have probably gained in one concentrated week of patient, guided learning what they would have learned in at least 2 months in the classroom. I know that may sound ridiculous, but I kid you not.

We’ll take our youngest Solai as an example. We’ve discovered, for the first time, her analytical, mathematical genius. We started this week with addition in one and two digit varieties. 23 + 5= sort of thing. Within an hour she was doing long addition with carrying over to the ten’s, hundred’s and thousand’s place. 6849 + 4679= sort of thing. We were amazed. We did long subtraction this week too. Same remarkable progress. Exactly four lessons later, our first grader with almost zero formal educational background, was solving multiplication problems. From her notebook, I am copying 253 x 2= 506. (Yes, I’m the mom, so, it makes sense that I’m amazed!)

6-      Tread gently, with light.

We’ve recognized that we all have needs, and we all have moments. By treading gently, we are being conscious of the scenes before us, without getting totally engrossed in them. If Kobi recognizes that he is about to lose it, he just has to reach over and communicate that need to me, and I’ll be there for him, I’ll take over. If I am reaching the end of my string, if one of our children is obviously needing something, our role as parenting leaders is to be there for each other, to create a space that will allow that need to solve itself.

That requires gentleness, and light.

We started, this week, to find out what was important for us and for the kids, what things were important for us all to experience. Orazi wants to play family baseball; Dahnya wants pedicured nails; Solai wants to sit in a coffee shop alone with her mom. We all want Spanish classes; we’ve met Raul who is happy to teach them focused soccer skills; Barbara is thrilled to teach art classes; we are ready to start volunteering at the local school. Now, slowly, with gentleness, and light, we will start adding deliberately thought-through things into our schedule. We will continue with our exercise, study, and sleep time routines and will slowly, add in things to enrich our stay here in Boquete, while preserving our family’s emotional and physical needs.

Amen to the freedom of the road for forcing to us bring meaning into our lives. Amen to a partner who is willing to parent with me and willing to allow us the grace to be less than perfect. Amen to God, to the Universe, to myself, and to you, for lovingly reading and being a part of our self-discovery. Amen to hellish family moments and to ‘our week within’. They jointly have enabled, for our family, a great awakening. Amen.

Posted in: Nomadic Parenting