Friday, February 17

4:38 am I Have No Words, So I'll Use None

It's too much for me. What is coming up and out of me this mid-early morning is too much for me to process, too much for me to swallow; and so I won't. I'll cry, I'll let it out, I'll try to do something with the energy so that it won't choke my soul anymore. Don't worry. It's all good growing pains sort of stuff. This time a bit too private to share, but I would like to share (cuz it helps me to do so) what is soothing me as I sit on the concrete floor in my hostel in Lima,Peru. My dearest Regina Spektor [the artist] is here with me.

I have no words, so I'll use none (of mine) . They are in the order that I'm watching them (and they are doing such a great job ).  The last one is the best.

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music
And it breaks my heart 

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

If I kiss you where it's sore
If I kiss you where it's sore
Will you feel better, better, better
Will you feel anything at all

(The pictures of her in this clip are adorable and she is. The font here is hard to read. But the original video is a dose of pure happiness to me. It's so worth a watch. Sit back and smile!

And finally, I bow down to this one...

Oh Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds
And whose breath gives life to everyone,
Hear me.
I come to you as one of your many children;
I am weak... I am small...I need your wisdom
and your strength.
Let me walk in beauty.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
and make my ears sharp so I may hear your voice.
Make me wise, so that I may understand what you
have taught my people and
The lessons you have hidden in each leaf and each rock.
I ask for wisdom and strength,
Not to be superior to my brothers, but to be able
to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Make me ever ready to come before you with
clean hands and a straight eye,
So as life fades away as a fading sunset,
My spirit may come to you without shame.

Allow your heart to open like a flower
And give the many blessings to everyone around you.
Allow your soul to fly free, again, as it once did.
May you be ever blessed with the abundance
of infinite love, and light.

The pictures, music and inspirational words together are just divine.

The light outs are getting slowly brighter, more cars driving around... I need to get some sleep Tomorrow we're going the market.

And still, I remain without words.

Tell me, which songs, which videos hug your soul? I'd love to hear, and add them to mine. And thanks for letting me share. It helps...


Thanks for sharing this ! Her music and voice are beautiful. The first time I heard her was from the Narnia films.
As for crying on the floor in the middle of the night,I had the same experience but I was crying out to God to save my life...I had some sort of allergic reaction to whatever I ate that day and my body was going into shock. It all came on so quickly with my heart pounding way too fast and my blood pressure dropping. So I quickly took an antihistamine and knelt down on my bathroom floor to pray. I really thought I would not survive the night. My husband and kids were all I was worried about. I called out to God to please let me be healed of this attack..I would not want my family to suffer from losing me...Slowly I felt my heart beat normally and my shaking subside.I went back to bed and thanked Him. When I woke up I was full of joy to be alive !
Now I am a different person, so grateful for another day on this earth. We really don't know our last moment alive for sure and we can not squander it with petty selfish behavior and unconcern for others.
Love is what matters most.

Wow Anonymous! thank you for sharing that with me. I'm so touched to hear your story. I can see you on the floor in the middle of the night; like I could see me. I'm so grateful that He saved you, heard you; as I am truly grateful, also for the pain that I must go through. This too builds me, deepens me. Love is what matters most. Love is what matters most. Love is what matters most.

I too have known 4am and no words many times - and I lie quiet and confused, and sometimes in pain - and my choice of music is usually gregorian chants, comforting, almost tuneless but powerful sounds - reaching deep into my soul and soothing and washing it with safe intimacy!!
Even when you have no words you seem able to say so much.
Thank you
Wendy xox

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